Arguing

In the heat of the moment, you say and do things you don’t mean. You can love someone more than anything in the world, but if they do or say something that sends you over the edge you can react incredibly badly. You would never harm them, but to outsiders it can look like you’ve overstepped the boundary.

I would never knowingly put people in harm. I would never be dangerous to the point I’m out of control. But maybe other people don’t realise that? I get that people have a different view of things to me, a different perspective, and might feel less safe.

There are people who think Emma and I don’t argue. In many ways, this blog doesn’t help that view – we bang on and on about balance and enjoying life. Arguing, being aggressive, doesn’t fit that picture – it doesn’t work. But we argue. We argue a lot, and we both get stressed with one another.

When driving, when at home, when walking. She can say some horrible things about me; I can be pretty nasty back. They are usually small, but they can be pretty brutal.

I’m telling you because I want this blog to outline everything about us. If we are offering tips on how to find serenity, we shouldn’t pretend to be a perfect couple. After all, arguing is necessary for a healthy relationship. If you didn’t argue with your spouse, you’d bottle it up and it would release itself through bitching about them (not helpful), maybe drinking too much (definitely not healthy) or driving when angry (simply dangerous).

So here’s my tip. If you are arguing, make sure you make up before going out or going to bed. The only times in which we haven’t done that, the next morning has been worse than the night before. Usually it then takes us a lot longer to calm down than it should.

Frustrations are part and parcel of everyday life. We all react to them. I’m sorry but nobody is perfect, they have moments where they show their frustrations to the world. The worst thing anyone can do is make them feel eternally guilty for it, judge them for it – think they are worse than they actually are.

Some people simply shout whereas some people react a little more violently – hitting an inanimate object for example. Whatever happens, don’t dwell on it. Normal, logical, sensible human beings have moved on as soon as they play out that action.

Like I said, frustrations happen. We’ve all looked at how we dealt with a situation and regretted it. To allow frustrations to turn into full-blown arguments is unhealthy and a little bit stupid. The biggest arguments come from the smallest things, usually enhanced by time and stirred by third parties. They are also the most avoidable.

By all means, argue. You need to. No relationship can exist without them. But be careful, and make sure you always make up fairly promptly.

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